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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Still kicking

Hi all,
It has been awhile I know. Life is full of so many changes and sometimes time gets away from me. I am not going to lie and say I haven't dealt with some depression I have. Well, let me restate that, God has been carrying me through different days of depression. Still the depression is being dealt with big time.
A man at my church gave me some great advice, that I should pray for myself and my kids and allow the church and friends and bloggers lift up my husband. That way I don't have to focus on his lifestyle and choices. I would ask you all pray that God reveals himself and that K's heart is softened enough to hear him. He has walked completely away from the Lord.
However, as we know God will turn all things that are meant for bad into good. Things are scarey but through this I have learned more and more exactly what trusting what I can't see is really about. God is growing me in my walk with him everyday. I am more aware of my spirit then ever before and many other things are taking place in my life. I still goof up and I call people for prayer when I am weak but I am up and kicking. I would love to kick that man, but I am trying not to expend that kind of energy on him. Don't get me wrong I still love him very very much and I am devastated that Satan is destroying my marriage, but I know this isn't about me and Kevin it is much bigger. I also know that God is even bigger and when this is all done my only prayer is that the result glorifies him and doesn't horrify him. If you know what I mean.
I can only be responsible for me but I am asking each and every one of you to lift Kevin up in prayer. I am not asking my marriage me restored, I am asking for God's will. Now I believe God's will is that someday we reunite I can't sit and wait there is too much to be done. I will be going to court soon and I want to keep my house and get a lot of support from Kevin financially I believe it is a consequence for his choices. His new lady is only out for money and the less he has the easier it will be for her to continue in her past lifestyle. She only stays til the money is gone.
Please pray I am a light in the world especially in all I do in front of my kids and my soon to be ex-husband. It isn't what I want but I can't stand in God's way and he can't work on Kevin when he doesn't want to be worked on and as long as I am in the picture with our spirits clashing on almost every visit. He has pretty much stopped seeing the kids although he says he will come on his weekend, he never can so the kids are getting used to it already but I want all of them lifted in prayer. I want to know on the days I am too weak to remember everything that you all have us on every prayer chain in America so not one minute of one day goes by that he isn't being prayed for. I no longer pray for protection for him I pray for revelation. Understand he has told me I was a mistake and I am his enemy that this adultery is God's will then in the same sentence he tells my kids he knows he is walking with the Devil.
Still I know that God is with me like never before and I am so grateful to everyone for their prayers and love. Please keep it up because the war we are in will most likely get bigger before it gets better and as I look to Jesus I need all teh support we can get. I know my thoughts still aren't very organized but there is a bunch at once and as I write more Monday I hope to start becoming clearer again.
Good night!

3 Comments:

  • At 6:30 AM, Blogger Praying for your Prodigal said…

    I am so glad you are back posting. I have been praying daily for you. And I am really glad the man from church gave you such wise advise: we will pray for this spiritual battle you are in. Yes, I will pray for Kevin's heart...and that God will bless you with the desire of your heart--for HIS WILL to be victorious.

    You are His child.....He loves you and wants the best for you. May you feel His love, His peace, and His perfect will for your life and the life of your children.

    Thank you for staying in touch and letting us know how we can pray for you. You are very special to so many people...even to unknown bloggers! May you have the strength to lean on the One who loves you the most!

    Diane

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger great2beme said…

    It was so funny I called a prayer warrior with our church yesterday the same guy who gave me that advice. He and his wife said call anytime so I was having a tough morning and I di dand guess what he didn't answer, but it is the why that made it so great. because he already knew and was already lifting us in prayer. It was such a blessing when he told me that this morning in church. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement.

     
  • At 4:37 PM, Blogger kpjara said…

    Always prayings for you and the whole family!

     

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