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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Til Death do us part

Okay, so all of you who read my sister's blog now know that I fell. I lost something I am not sure what it is. I know I have God and I so badly wanted to be in his arms, not having to face my mistakes or mess up my kids or my husband anymore. At the time it did seem like it was a good idea. Shortly after I took the pills on a system full of Vodka I felt my pressure begin to drop and I told my husband who had watched me take them that I didn't want to die, the pills were expired and would I be alright? He said I would be fine. So my attempt to get his attention or die or whatever it was wasn't going to happen. I am sorry I am sorry to Kim, my parents, my family and my kids, and a lot to my husband who I still wishes I would have suceeded. He says no but his actions say yes. When, he came to the mental ward to meet with the family contact thing he said he was willing to love me and take care of me all I had to do was ask. They then let me go and in the parking lot I asked him for a hug where he just sighed. I said you just said you could do that and he said did you want me to tell them what I really thought or get out of there. He doesn't care about me at all, yet I know God put us together and at this point I refuse to give up. Just pray for us and how to grow us so I can focus on staying well with medication for depression. I never want to go back to that place again. Thanks for everyone's kind words and prayers.

2 Comments:

  • At 5:24 PM, Blogger kpjara said…

    Dear Sister,

    Please, please, please try to find a way to be fulfilled with Jesus alone...and then if Kevin's love comes...that is just a bonus! and if it doesn't you remain safe and LOVED by Jesus. If you can't do it for you...do it for B & B!

    I love you and I am here for you any day, any time! But I refuse to stand by and let you throw THEIR (B & B) lives away in your pain.

     
  • At 10:17 PM, Blogger sarah said…

    I am so sorry you're going through this. I have been praying for you often, and will continue to pray that God's love will fill and sustain you.
    Just know that there are plenty of us out here in boggy-ville that care for you.

     

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