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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

one week and counting

Wow! It has been awhile again. I actually think when Kevin is gone although I will be busy I might be a little more organized. It is hard to fit all this in along with trying to work as much as possible until Kevin leaves since I will be more limited at that time. Anyway, it is Tuesday and here I am.

K leaves in a little less than one week. I think he plans on leaving next Sunday. I can't believe this is really happening. It is so strange, I think I have peace one minute and the next I feel like total chaos. There is a part of me that wants to go with him right now, and then there is a part that thinks I only want that because I don't lean totally on God and that this seperation will be good for my relationship with the Lord. Often I have to face the fact that I depend as much or more on my uhbby than I do on God and guess what...God, is actually a better safehaven. I know you all know that and so do I but sometimes I need a reminder and so I put it i nwords, this is one of those times and maybe it will help one of you to see it again too?!

So what are my reservations? Well, we did this when he took his job here we lived apart except on weekends for about 17 months altogether but there were 7 then 5 together then 10 apart until we finished our house here. Anyway, when we did this we fought a lot because he would come home to micro-manage my parenting when he wasn't here during the week, and when he would come in although it was nice to have help the schedule and routine was shot. Also, we became very independant. That can be both good and bad, it was like we didn't need each other anymore so when we fought we walked away because we knew we would be apart again in a few days so oh well. Then we weren't because we were living together again and we did survive it, but I am not sure our marriage is strong enough this time to do that. Not to mention he has faithfulness issues, and being away makes it easier. I know I know it was easy this time and I was living with him. Trust me God and I have gone over and over all of this, but I needed to face it and ask for continued prayer from you all.

I also don't like living alone and that is a little scary, plus the extra expenses, I guess I am scared and I know his perfect love can cast all that out, I wish I could rant here forever on the good and bad but I have to go to work. Let me tell all of you thank you for the prayers, always even when there isn't a struggle. I know God is in this things are working together a little too nice for his hand to not be here, but still I am rebuking fear frequently. I will write more later, on the positive side of it and why I know this is the right thing for him. (Kevin him)

My challenge today is to not only find joy in the bad times but also peace. Oh one more thing, I hoep what is said in the blog stays in the blog (KIMBERLY) but my platelets are very low and white count is up quite a bit I think I have a virus, but Satan likes to tease me with the idea of cancer and I go for some more testing Thursday so just keep that in your hearts. Nobody until now knows this, I want it to stay that way until I have good news.

Thanks ya'll have a great day!!! Be blessed after all we sit in the palm of God's hands there is no better place to be.

AMEN!!!

2 Comments:

  • At 6:26 AM, Blogger kpjara said…

    I'm not saying a word, but let your body speak to YOU, my dear sister!

     
  • At 11:58 PM, Blogger sarah said…

    I'm praying for you - let us know how things are going.

     

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